5 Fruit Salad: Did anyone else see that cherry?

The 5 Fruit Salad is currently lying in my flat bin, still three quarters full of low-grade 'fruit' chunks. A fitting end for an item that promised so much and delivered so little. In fairness the product did what it said on the tin, it was indeed a salad compromising of five fruits:

pears pineapples peaches cherries and grapes .

Can i urge you to slowly take in the colourful, fresh, tasty looking photos i have provided of each of the fruits. In addition, i bring to the attention of the court evidence A, the 5 Fruit Salad tin label.

Mmmmm wipe away that stringy drool hanging from your chin and get yourself a clean pair of pants.

This morning at work all i could picture was the tasty fruits on the mesmeric label, lightly caressing my lips with my tongue in anticipation. Needless to say a few odd glances were cast in my direction from around the office. Once 1.40 arrived i briskly walked home to indulge myself in more taboo Lidl activities. I nestled down in my chair, fruit salad in one hand, spoon in the other and Neighbours on the TV. Imagine my expression when i pulled back the lid to be confronted by this goop. I shuddered, Angie Rebecchi looked more appetising than this mess!

The Science Part

The 5 Fruit Salad may as stated contain five fruits, however for a 500g tin i felt a little cheated to find a maximum of one and a half cherries in the syrupy mess. Now the tin does state that the cherries contain a food colouring (E127) but, unless consuming more than one and a half cherries worth of the stuff causes your face to go bright red i see no reason why more cherries could not have been included. In fact its a shame more food colouring wasn't used. The pineapple was tasteless, noticeably lacking the sweet zing usually experienced with pineapple slices. The grapes, which upon first viewing I thought were lychees, were devoid of colour as well as taste. The sloppy syrupy liquid the whole thing sloshed around in isn't worth more than a mention and the pears tasted anonymous. The peaches it must be said were actually quite nice. I just feel sorry these poor peach slices had to be mixed into this fruity shambles, never to be experienced in their delightful individualism. Yuk.

My final after thought...

what were those crunchy bits?