Niçoise Salad

Run, run to the hills and never look back. This is vile. It looks bad, it smells worse. It tastes like sick.

I had high hopes for this, 99p for a salad in a tin sounds good (actually maybe not). Basically it consists of tuna, bits of bean, carrot, red pepper and potato. All well known components of salad niçoise....

It has a ring pull which is handy, but that's where the good points start and stop. This truly is a work of lidl greatness. When non lidlers think of lidl this is the kind of stuff they must imagine.

When I opened the tin his foul stench engulfed the office instantly. It was the smell of vomit, and the sight I saw looked like vomit. This was not a good start.



The tuna had settled on the bottom (the end you open) and so I was presented with this grey mass, surly there is more to this than that! Lesley suggested I emptied it out onto a plate. When I did this all the vegetables came out and the true squalor was there to behold.



I tasted it much to Lesley's surprise "I wouldn't put anything that smells like that near my mouth" (future boyfriends take note). Anyway, I dived in and tasted a bean. It was very soft. It had no taste. It must have been boiled to death before it entered the tin. So there goes any potential health benefits.

Then i tried a bit of everything. Vile. Vomit. Yuck.

It just taste of bad soup. The juices of the vegetables make it a vegetable soup with tuna thrown in. The tuna looks dodgy, almost grey in colour and has no taste what so ever.

I would describe this as a soup, not a salad.

Lesley says it tastes of vinegar. I wish. I like vinegar. It tastes and smells familiar but I can't put my finger on it. Bad vegetable soup I guess.

Verdict: avoid for health reasons.

new members and a promise to review more bad stuff...

the joy of lidl has some new members. peter has yet to post anything, claiming the lack of a convenient lidl in newcastle for his (and david's) lack of posts. tony, however, has begun his lidling the way it should be done: with a review and a glass of lidl asti. well the lidl asti is really to celebrate my birthday today, but it's definitely the finest accompaniment to a joy of lidl post.

in any case, this afternoon's office conversation (tony has joined paul and i in the pabbay suite) has strayed into the need to taste more bad stuff for this blog. you see, whenever we pay a visit to lidl, we always select something that we think we're going to like. indeed, we walk past all the dubious looking tinned goods near the door and head for the more promising looking produce. occassionally we stray upon something horrible (like wednesday's prosecco adventure), but usually we pick something that tastes quite nice.

clearly this is to misrepresent the range of lidl products. so from now on we pledge to taste unpromising looking tins of stuff. paul has stated his intention to taste the tinned salad nicoise on various occassions, and he seemed keen on some tinned ravioli bolognaise that we passed in the (abnormally long) queue today. so, from now one, expect some far less positive reviews (remember haggis' fruit salad experience). of course, we might even be surprised and actually enjoy some of the stuff...

deconstructing enrobed mallows...

Jam teacakes: 20 £0.95, yes that's right less than one british pound for 20 mallows....


'Real milk chocolate ENROBED mallows on a biuscuit base with a splodge of real jam'

Despite the illustration showing a 5 inch mallow monstrosity we were somewhat dissapointed to discover that the teacakes were in fact closer to the size of a stamp. Nevertheless, we decided to proceed with this mallow-tastic taste test experience...

Lesley commented that 'the base is too dry and it tastes better disassembeld'. Although, she is well known for being a dis-assembling-phile. The teacakes were not bad but the choclatey enrobedment was rather disappointing, more of a light covering some might say. Both myself and Lesley decided that the teacake could do with a little more jam. Paul maintains that he found the mallows irresitable despite the fact that they were rather dry on the mallow front.

Nevertheless, these teacakes were decidedly moreish and whilst this journalistic jewel was being written 5 were consumed in the office. Overall the biscuit based mallows proved to be a satisfacory afternoon snack and for a mere 95 pence are definitely value for money. Just remember not to be taken in by the misleading illustration on the packet.

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a regular visitor to our blog (who shall remain nameless so as to not bring shame upon him) alerted us to this great article

it reviews lidl, aldi and netto (never heard of that one) products and gives them ratings. it seems pretty extensive if a bit quantitative for this blog. what is all this weighting malarkey???

anyway thank you mysterious visitor for alerting us to this.

An Inconvenient Truth

Fellow Bloggers and Lidlites...

I've just returned from the cinema after watching the film 'An Inconvenient Truth' based on a global warming slideshow presented by Al Gore. I have to say it was truly outstanding and i urge you all to take yourselves and encourage as many of your friends and family to watch the film while it is out on the big screen. The film i found didn't tell me anything i didnt already know, however it presented it in such an engaging and understandable way. I actually ended the film hoping it would last longer than it did. The inclusion of never before available statistics recovered by Gore due to his previous ties to the white house, revealing aerial and satellite photography, concise and well explained case studies and dare i say it the engaging, enthusiastic and at times witty manner of the presenter combine to create a superb piece of cinema.

It is worth noting that this film does not set out to, or at any time attempt to undermine the global warming focus with Al's presendential campaign defeat. This subject is mentioned briefly but it is intertwined with a myriad of short insights into the life of Al Gore and what influenced him to create this presentation, a presentation that he was giving even before he became vice president. You will find yourself wondering come the end of the film just how different things would have been had he gained office.

This film is truely compelling and is a great of example of how to make geography and science accessible to all.

For further information see: http://www.climatecrisis.net/



To keep this Lidl related it would be interesting to find out what Lidls environmental policies are, if it has any!?

Haggis - *****

yuck, yuck...maybe not?

Prosecco, 10.5% vol, £2.99



"The Prosecco vines hold a special place in Italian wine making. They grow predominately in the Trevisco province in the region of Venice. White wine pressed from the Presecco grape carries the name of the wine from which it is derived. Presecco Del Veneto is superb as an aperitif or as a compliment to fish and seafood."

The beauty of this wine is the fact that it has string rather than foil on the top. The other beauty is that it has a picture of a corkscrew on the back with the text "for the open is required a corkscrew like in the drawing".

The wine is nice a fizzy and has the aroma of the wine the department gives away free at graduation. However, it tastes even worse. Lesley describes it as "bitter, it gets worse with every mouthful".

I would tend to agree, although after the second glass i am getting used to it. It just tastes like acid. This surely goes into the worst 5 product list. However, i am getting used to it now, maybe this is not as bad as we first thought. Maybe we cast it aside too quickly. Hang on i'll take another sip...........no, we were right first time.

The other bad side is the cork. It took me five mins to extract it! I broke out into a sweat!

I would never buy this again, unless you have seriously pissed me off and i wanted to extract revenge. On second thoughts this does have a use. The next time you go to a party take a bottle of this. It costs £2.99 so is cheap, but make sure you open it when all the good stuff has gone and you are drunk enough to drink anything. You save face bringing a bottle, but escape the agonising selection at the supermarket or off license.

Recommend? No! Do not let the string entice you into the vile world of Lidl Prosecco.

'Luxury' Caramel Shortcakes

4 Luxury caramel shortcakes produced by Rowan Hill Bakery, 89p.

I have to state from the outset that i adore caramel shortcakes. I had wanted to review the apple crumble but when my eyes fixed upon these there was no going back!

These were great, they have a very generous portion of caramel lying on top of a digestive biscuit base with a chocolate crown. They were really firm, and stood up well. There is nothing worse than a soggy caramel slice and one that spills the caramel out when bit into (take note Greggs). But no troubles here.

Nothing more to be added, apart from these will go straight in the top 5. Greggs caramel slices are 52p each, these are 22.5p and far far superior in taste and quality.

Go and buy these now. If you want I will go and buy them for you (but don't expect them to survive the journey).

Thank you once again Lidl, where would we be without you?

failure to dismantle an orange cake...

yes, you've guessed it: it's the lidl version of the jaffa cake. following on from the success of the jammy rings, paul and i thought we'd try these. lidl did offer us a choice of 'orange cakes', 'raspberry cakes' and 'cherry cakes', but we thought we'd go with the most like a traditional jaffa cake.

i can only imagine that these taste very like the mcvities version. i can't say for certain, however, because i have never eaten a fully assembled jaffa cake. you see, eating a jaffa cake is all about the experience of disassembling it and eating the constituent parts. my preferred method of deconstructing a jaffa cake is to bite off all the chocloate covered cake around the raised bit of orangey stuff. then i remove the chocolate covering the orangey stuff, separate the orangey stuff from the cake and eat the two separately. the 'choc me' jaffa cake does not allow for such easy dismantling.

i suppose this is because choc me are far more generous with the orangey stuff than mcvities. an orange cake is about the same size as a jaffa cake, but the entire sponge base is covered with orangey jelly. i did try disassembling one to no avail. instead i was forced to eat the entire assemblage. it tasted perfectly nice and everything, but i couldn't help but be disappointed at the lack of interactivity in eating one. it's just not as much fun if you can't play with your 'food'!